This work seeks to depict the various family issues, politically and socially influenced, revolving around the families with 4 daughters. The process of visiting and revisiting these families gives me the opportunity not only to look at them (as others), but also to look at myself from a third person's perspective. The process recollects memories, intrigues the present and offers possibilities for my future as the similarity in circumstances of these families reflect upon my upbringing and my anticipations in my life.
I’ve always asked Dad if they were trying hard for a boy. It was Mum who said yes. Surprisingly, Mum was the one who persuaded Dad to have more children, hoping for a son. Dad finally relented and they planned to stop at two. Mum suggested three. Unplanned, they had four instead.
Unlike my parents, Mr. Jegatheesan and Mdm Selvy planned all four of the children they have. They are similarly blessed with four daughters. They desired sons too – why not? But in the end realized that having children – boy or girl – meant showering them with the best care and attention that one possibly can.
It’s just like what my dad always says, “做人， 凡是做什么事都要尽力而为，不喜欢的，喜欢的，都一样。” （Striving to do the best to your ability, whether you like it or not, is the essence of being human.)
I used to have a blue toy vehicle too.
I remember it now.
It's battery-operated.
Has a storage box below the seat.
It can't run very fast.
It was heavy and makes a low dragging sound.
I think it was passed on to my cousin.
I have 3 sisters.
Where were our Barbies and cooking toys?
Weren't we supposed to play with those?
"Barbie?! 你喜欢啊？那时侯太贵了"
Then 我们玩什么？
"楼下的 playground 咯，好像没有什么玩具。。"
"Do you remember the alternative to Lego?
Those wooden blocks?
I once build a really tall and majestic castle-like structure with them.
I remember I was really proud of that creation and
just when I was admiring it,
YOU! came crashing into it with your 'Flintstone' car..."
Did I? When was that?!
"In my dreams lah, I remember I screamed and teared when I woke up"
"Yes, I am a Singaporean; a true-blooded Singaporean, 100% Singaporean.
I was born here, so are my kids, except my wife."
"I feel proud, proud to be the only man in the family, feeling special surrounded by these ladies."
"E-lin! Ah-San! Ah-Soi! Aiya, Ah-Han!"
My mum has to go through all my sisters' names before she's able to get the right one.
"Here, my wife, because she is from Sri Lanka, my children are speaking Tamil at home, the roots should be there. That's one of the reasons I married her."
I think they love reading.
I wish I were forced to love it.
I won some medals before, didn't I?
I wondered where are they now.
"Every child was a girl, and so we were hoping for a boy."
"We decided to stop at 4, that was planned."
My mother refused to undergo tubal ligation, and was upset when she found out that my father was contemplating vasectomy. They were under a lot of emotional and mental pressure, from dealing with decisions and possibilities. When my mum finally had me, she was 36 years old. The doctor had told her I might be a boy. Their prayers seemed to finally work.
Unfortunately then, I was still born a girl.
Mdm. Han was already 43 when she had her fourth child, an age that anyone would have thought twice about giving birth. Mentally and physically exhausted from having to raise three daughters, it was her eldest daughter who eventually convinced her to keep the child. The age difference was 16 years. On the streets, people sometimes mistake her eldest daughter as the mother of the youngest.
满: filled with
*Says Hi, Greenie.*
"Sometimes they will message me and say Greenie says Hello."
Mahjong has always been a game I felt perfect for the 4 of us.
I always imagine the 4 of us in our 50s, getting together,
sitting round the table, with our husbands serving us.
But, none of them knows how to.
I used to wear layers of shorts beneath my long pyjamas pants after my shower, when I know dad's waiting for me outside with a cane.
"I'm very strict with them."
Chia Lin and sisters *LAUGH*
"She's really very fierce with us."
"When they are naughty, they have to choose a square and stand there for hours without moving. If they cry, I'll make sure they cry non-stop."
"I was contemplating not wanting her at all.
But, my eldest daughter convinced me to keep her."
"I was already 43 years old you know, 43 years old..
I can't take anymore risks.."
"He told me that, "If the child is normal, why not, just give birth.
We work harder, we do more overtime..."
I love visiting Wendy’s home. It reminds me a lot about what I used to do with my sisters back then. It wasn’t even that long ago – before my sisters got married – but I miss them just as much. Unlike sisters elsewhere, we do not paint each other’s nails, or hug and kiss each other freely. Instead, we share a strong bond – a rather quiet, and unspoken way of caring for each other. In times of difficulty, we turn to each other and things will turn out fine, no matter how bad things might have seemed. We’ve had our share of crazy moments; we’ve had fun times; but what I love most, is the calm and quiet moments between us sisters. The sharing of secrets safely, just the four of us, within the walls of our small room.
"其实我的 husband 只是要一个而已。。我的计划是两到三个。。"
Room 3:
This is where the Chui sisters share their secrets.
Their private toilet.
My eldest sister got married in 2008, my third sister in 2009. My second sister has been in Japan for a year now. I had just returned from the US last year. Perhaps used to their children travelling often and not being home, my parents seem fine with us making decisions to be away.
I’ve come to realize that my parents are getting on with age. They are 60 this year. I’m beginning to worry for them, and I wonder what will happen when all four of us permanently move out.
Observing Mdm. Hajjah Razizah’s family offers some assurance and answers to the questions I have about my future. Three of her daughters are married and have moved out. Looking at the way they interact, I realize that my parents’ loneliness will be dependant on how much effort we, as daughters, put in. It is up to us to assure them that we are still close-knitted, that these new changes mean some time alone for them to spend – definitely a welcome respite after decades taking care of a group of gaggling girls.
"As the eldest, I have always believed that when all of us got married, my parents will stay with me, but I ever told my mum she has the right to choose with whom they want to stay with. My hubby and I will always welcome them in our home. Furthermore, 2 of my sisters are staying with their in-laws and as my in-laws are Malaysians and staying in Segamat, Malaysia, to me, I feel that it's my responsibility to look after my parents and my youngest sister (until she gets married)."
- Nadira Khairin
"I have mixed feelings.
EXCITEMENT; since I'm going to move in with my in-laws, a group of people whom I barely know.
DIFFICULT; I will need to adjust to a different lifestyle. I will need to adapt with a different environment.
SAD; moving out was not easy, since I have never been away from my parents and family. I have never even gone on a holiday without my parents; so I guess that explains."
- Nadia Khairin
"I'm ready to take care of my parents should I have my own house eventually.
Weekends are becoming more precious as I can get to see my family and spend time with them just like before - even though it's a short time.
With the technology these days, it's not difficult to stay in touch.
However, I never thought I will miss them as much as not that I'm married. The saying, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder" definitely holds a true meaning to me now. And these days, I try to call them as often as daily. That'll at least cure my missing."
- Nazeera Khairin
"My fear being having the possibility of not able to support them. I am afraid of losing them. Because I'm the youngest, I feel the fear of losing them faster? In a way, my sisters have at least 6 "extra" years with them.
I am afraid of losing them before I get married. I am very emotionally attached to my mum. Though on the surface i do not show as much love for my dad, I love him just as much. We don't talk as often as I do with my mum, but YES, I would do ANYTHING for them."
- Nazura Khairin
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